MEDIUM BIRD

 

One day Big Bird is on the set of his hit television

show Sesame Street when this guy walks up to him.

Big bird was taking a smoke break, and when he

smokes he does not want to be disturbed.

 

So this guy walks up and says "What up Big Bird?!"

Big Bird turned around with a pissed off look on his face and says

"Who the fuck are you you medium-ass height muther fucker?!"

The visitor then responded to Big Bird's comment by saying

"It's funny that you described me as a medium-ass muther fucker,

because that's my name." "Your name is medium-ass muther fucker?"

Big Bird replied. "No, my name is Medium Bird. I am your cousin.

Don't you remember me?" Big Bird had no idea who this dude was,

but he played along. "Yeah dude, I remember you. You're Medium Bird."

 

"So anyways," Medium Bird continued, "you know it's a tough economy right now and I just got fired from my analyst job at UBS Morgan Sachs. You think you could hook me up with a job at Sesame Street?"

 

"Look Medium," Big Bird said, "you can't just walk up to me and get a job just like that. You gotta have talent. I have talent. I am a gigantic yellow bird that talks. What talent do you have?"

 

"Well, I am a medium-sized bird that talks," he replied.

 

"Yeah that's nice, but there's no room for medium-sized birds around here so why don't you just fuck off," Big Bird suggested.

 

"Hey, don't talk to me like that. If you talk to me like that again I will hit you in your massive stomach with a hockey stick," Medium Bird mentioned.

 

Just then Snufolupogous walked up and chimed in, "Hey Biggie (as only Snufolupogous called Big Bird), this medium-sized punk talkin smack?"

 

"Straight up Snuff," Biggie said, "and if he doesn't step off I'm gonna burn his eye out with my non-filtered Pall Mall cigarette."

 

At the sight of Snufolupogous Medium Bird backed off and apologized for intruding. "Look," he said, "I am just a medium-sized talking bird looking for a job. It's not easy to make payments on a Mercedes when you go from a banker's salary to nothing. But I'll leave you two losers, thanks for nothing."

 

As Medium Bird walked away he said "later fuckers" as he was crossing a bridge on the set. Snufolupogous heard him, quickly said "OH NO HE DIDN'T" and galluped up and knocked Medium Bird's ass off the bridge and into a river of fake sewage.

 

Biggie and Snuff laughed as Medium was freaking out because he had broken his left knee and he thought he was submerged in real sewage (even though the sewage was just brown paper). As Medium Bird cried and yelled things like "This sucks, ouch my knee, this sewage reaks" Biggie and Snuff laughed and laughed.

 

Big bird then yelled out "Don't EVER MESS WITH BIGGIE" and flicked his cigarette at Medium Bird, which lit the brown sewage paper on fire, thereby setting Medium bird on fire.

 

Snuff and Biggie then walked away discussing their next scene.

THE END.

 

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